Recently I've been wondering why I pay more than $400 a year to watch television in our city where without cable you can't get it. And when you do, the signal is often as bad as back in the old rabbit ears black and white snow signals.
And I've decided to try going without starting today, despite that I edit the TV section of the Appeal. So what will I be missing?
Tennis, for one thing. Pro football in the winter. PBS' more interesting programs, despite the detoothing the network has gone through in response to Congress' cavils.
News programs, too. Despite the fact that except for breaking news on CNN, TV does a terrible job with news. Not that it's slanted, as some viewers assert, but that it is so shallow.
Take Channel 4 in Reno "where news comes first." After timing the early morning news segments - those five-minute breaks between the "Today" show which come complete with screams from the crowd for no good reason - I find that those segments are three minutes of commercials and 90 seconds of news, mostly crime stuff. A truer slogan: "Where news comes first after commercials."
I'll also miss a truly funny sitcom, "Sex in the City" on HBO. It rates up there with a discontinued sitcom, "Northern Exposure."
What I won't miss are those boring, predictable sitcoms; main story, off-play story, some sex play, teaser for next week, formula in concrete including laugh tracks. I refuse to watch any program that tries to tell me what is funny and what isn't.
I won't miss those quiz shows, the popularity of which baffles me. It's like watching a slot machine player in a casino. Why? The vicarious pleasure of seeing people make fools of themselves in the desperate pursuit of money?
And I certainly won't miss those hacked-up, commercial-ridden movies. How anyone can suspend in the mind a story for five minutes of commercials baffles me. Directors work hard to create tension, suspense. And then in comes the commercial. No thanks.
And the cop shows. Such stalwarts, such morally pure, never-on-the-take cops. A fantasy land. The cliffhanger resolved in the last three minutes. Boring.
And of course the TV screen itself. What a travesty it makes of movies, slices them into new dimensions with the speaking actor often off the screen. The wandering colors, the poor sound. Well, not much you can do about that. Of course, they're talking about high-definition TV at a hefty price. Europe has had near HDEF for years with the greater number of lines on the screen.
So don't misunderstand. I'm no elitist, turning up my nose at standard fare. It's just that I have a limited amount of time and a fascinating novel can often offer more insight into the human condition than any series of sitcoms.
So, come on, AT&T, turn off the line, pick up your black (actually gray) box. I may call you back in a couple of months if withdrawal hurts too much.
Meanwhile, when does the library open?
(Sam Bauman is editor of the Nevada Appeal's Diversions section.)
