Place: One of Santa's distribution warehouses on the outskirts of Carson City.
Time: A snowy night a few weeks before Christmas.
Foreman: "OK, Elves, load up them toys! We have 20,000 presents to send out to the good children of Carson City before Christmas! You there, Slacker, what are you doing hanging around loafing? Get the lead out!"
Slacker: "I'm not loafing, I'm reading! It's a fascinating story about workers taking control of their workplace. It's called A Tale of Two Warehouses."
"You're not paid to read. You're paid to stick toys into bags and onto sleighs."
"Last I noticed, we're not paid at all. Unless you count Santa Shares. Redeemable in Santa's Stores and online at Santacorporation.com. Funny money!"
"Details, details. Of course Santa's Little Helpers are not paid money. You have shares in Santa's Shop. And you work here because it's your tradition. It's what your parents did. And their parents before them. It's the spirit of Christmas!
"Oh, duh! I forgot! The spirit of Christmas is to work 18 hour days loading toys for a bunch of snot-nosed rug-rats? NOT! "
"But we haven't turned a profit yet ..."
"Only the Big Dude at the top. I can't eat Santa Shares that're worth a quarter what they were last year. At the rate their value is dropping, I'll be owing you in my old age. It's time we all got fair compensation for our labor, not just dwindling stock options.We need a union!"
"Fair compensation?! Union? What kind of talk is this? Excuuuse me, but this is Santacorporation.com, not Santacorporation.Commie. We don't need a union here at Santacorporation.com! If you could see past your eyebrow bell you'd know that Santa's Little Helpers are happy the way things are. They don't want any part of your candy cane revolt!"
"Oh, no? What about Dipsy over there? She's got three kids, no husband and no health insurance! She stays home with her sick elflet and she's docked a day's Santa Shares. And Jingle - 25 years on the line and no retirement. Has to moonlight in a casino to make ends meet."
"Quityerbellyaching, Shorty! This is not the time or place to test out your left wing theories on labor economics. We've just signed a big deal with GreedisUs.com and we have to produce or perish! If you don't get back to work your Santa Shares ain't gonna be worth reindeer poop."
"Sure, every year it's the same thing - the Big Speedup. Mandatory preholiday overtime. Industrial accidents and nervous breakdowns. Then it's massive layoffs until the next speedup. We need a union all right. The only question is whether we should go with the United Brotherhood of the Pointy Ears or the Alliance of Miniature Laborers."
"I'm warning you, you try to make this into a union shop and they'll be sending in reinforcements from Up North! Or moving Santa's workshops to Mexico or New Delhi! Come on, we can work things out without those outsiders. We're all family!"
"Family, huh? Then how come the Fat Man gets to drive around in a convertible Big Rig being Mr. Popular while us elves are stuck in a stuffy warehouse with the paint fumes? Enough is enough! Like it or not we elves will stand up for our rights - real pay, overtime, health, retirement, job security and egg-nog breaks!"
"Rights? Ho Ho Ho! The only right you've got is the Right to Work!"
