Column: The first-ever Lindros Awards

The NHL season has once again come and gone. So as a tribute, we are handing out the first ever Lindros Awards - meaning nobody will remember them in a week or two.

- The first award is the league's MVP. However, in the Lindros Awards, MVP stands for Most Valuable Poser.

There were many nominees, including Jeremy Roenick, Theo Fleury and the entire Detroit Red Wings team. However, nobody is more deserving than Buffalo Sabres goaltender Domnik Hasek.

The "Dominator" shifted back-and-forth between retirements to let Philadelphia disgrace him in Round 1 of the Eastern Conference Playoffs. Hasek needs to come up with a plan and stick to it. He is best when he has a goal in mind, not when he's giving them up.

- The Thurston Howell III Award goes to ex-New York Rangers General Manager Neil Smith for successfully spending $100 million dollars on a team that finished only ahead of the lowly New York Islanders in the Atlantic Division.

Smith brought in Fleury, paid Brian Leetch $8 million to play in only 40 games and now finds himself in the unemployment line.

Nice job Neil.

- The Sy Sperling Award goes to Washington Capitals head coach Ron Wilson.

Did you see his "hair?" Who colored it, Stevie Wonder? Wilson needs to let it go, because all he did in the Penguins series was complain that his team wasn't getting any calls.

Wilson' s hair dye must have dripped into his ears and fogged his mind.

- The Rocks Award goes to the New Jersey Devils organization for deciding not to put Robbie Ftorek's name on the Stanley Cup.

Ftorek coached the Devils for all but eight games of the regular season before he was fired and replaced by Hall of Famer Larry Robinson. Granted, the Devils had problems with Ftorek, but the guy earned his team 90 points and must have done something right.

- The Zima Award goes to the biggest pretty boy in the league. Who else is more likely to pop open a nice, cool smooth girlie beer (besides Darren Pang) than the Dallas Stars' Mike Modano.

Granted, Modano is a great player, but he looks like the type that should be enjoying a cafe latte with Courtney Cox, not a shot of Mad Dog with John Daly.

- The Susan Lucci Award goes to the Colorado Avalanche for their return to the Western Conference Finals for the fourth time in five years.

With Ray Bourque signed for another year, the Avs should be the favorites to win the Stanley Cup.

- The Franz Klammer Award goes to the Edmonton Oilers, who will probably take the biggest downhill slide in the near future with GM Glen Sather resigning.

The Oilers will be banking on new head coach Craig McTavish to regain the glory days of Mark Messier and Wayne Gretzky.

- The Casper Award goes to Colorado center Joe Sakic, who once again vanished in the playoffs.

I remember the day when Sakic did what his name spells backwards, and the Avalanche could rely on him as a true captain. The Avs need to unload him while they can still get something for him.

- The Thanks, But No Thanks Award goes to Philadelphia Flyers General Manager Bobby Clarke, who relieved cancer patient and Eric Lindros supporter Roger Neilsen of his job.

Clarke didn't even have the decency to offer Neilsen a position in the organization. Classy guy.

- Mike Ricci wins The Richard Keil Award for the league's most beautiful player. Richard Keil, you'll remember, is the knockout that played JAWS in the James Bond movie "Moonraker."

- That's it. The first ever Lindros Awards. Enjoy the offseason and watch for two new teams next season as the Columbus Blue Jackets and the Minnesota Wild join the league.

This column is dedicated to my grandfather, the late John Frank Giomi.

(Trevor Smith is the Nevada Appeal hockey columnist.)