Column: looking forward to new TV season

I got a sneak peek at the schedule for next television season. Here's what I'm looking forward to seeing:

Thursday, 8 p.m. Fox. "Who Wants to Marry a Moron?" A field of 50 women will compete to find out who gets to marry a television executive who failed to check into the backgound of the guy on last season's "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?"

Sunday, 9 p.m., HBO. "The Falsettos." Trials and tribulations of a modern-day family involved in organized crime, only with really high voices.

Tuesday, 7 p.m. Fox. "Who Wants to Marry a Wife Beater?" A sitcom about the wacky adventures of a woman who wins a contest to marry a millionaire, only to find out a few days later the guy had been accused nine years ago of beating up his girlfriend.

Thursday, 8 p.m., Food Channel. "WWF Snackdown!" In an attempt to cash in on the wrestling craze, several chefs dress up in tight-fitting costumes, curse at each other and throw themselves around the kitchen while preparing a variety of tasty hors d'oeuvres.

Saturday, 2 p.m., Lifetime. "Movie of the Week: Beverly Hillbillies 90210." Young, rich, beautiful people discover they're suddenly flat broke and move to Ooltewah, Tenn., where the townspeople pretend to like them because they're poor but are really making fun of them behind their backs.

Sunday, 7 p.m., PBS, "Antiques Roadshow." The Senior Follies go on tour.

Friday, noon. WB. "Who Wants to Get the Marriage Annulled?" A Jerry Springer-like talk show in which the contestants on Fox shows discuss why they broke up within a few days of meeting and getting married.

Sunday, 4 p.m., Animal Planet. "Crocodile Prey." A not-too-bright Aussie wades into swamps, rivers and mud bogs with no clue that there may be wild animals lurking therein. It will feature a different host each week - by necessity - chosen from contestants on a new hit show Down Under, called "Who Wants to Be a Meal?"

Thursday, 8 p.m., PBS "Whose Wife Is It Anyway?" Comedians perform improvisational comedy based on hilarious ideas suggested by their ex-spouses in the audience.

Friday, 10 p.m., WTBS, "Rocker." A down-and-out short reliever for the Atlanta Braves finds a new career as a private investigator on the streets of New York City. Most episodes conclude with Rocker getting the crap kicked out of him by homosexuals, welfare mothers and foreigners.

Wednesday, 7 p.m. FX "Married ... With an Asterisk." Reruns of a low-budget sitcom in which a woman wins a contest and marries a millionaire, only to find out he's really a poor shoe salesman with a couple of obnoxious kids.

Wednesday, 8 p.m. NBC. "Who Wants to Be Regis Philbin?" A new game show in which the network tries to find someone willing to act friendly with Kathy Lee Gifford.

Monday, 9 p.m., Fox, "Ally McGore." An anorexic presidential candidate and his dysfunctional campaign staff try to figure out the meaning of life, their relationships and whether having meetings in a unisex bathroom will help them land the female vote.

Monday, 9 p.m., CBS, "Everybody Loves McClain." An ex-POW Republican candidate for president is shunned by his own party because Democrats threaten to vote for him.

Tuesday, 9 p.m., ABC. "Dharma and George W." The ditzy daughter of hippies falls in love with a rich Texas politician, with hilarious results. Nobody can figure out why.

Tuesday, 10 p.m., UPN. "Star Search: Voyager." Ed McMahon goes into outer space each week to try to find the next Britney Spears.

Sunday, 9 p.m., Fox. "Ex-Files." Stories of the strange and paranormal experiences of people who were contestants on "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire" and then ended up with the marriage annulled a few days later.

Monday, 6 p.m., E!. "World's Stupidest Videos." The new name for "Talk Soup," which will begin covering game shows instead of talk shows.

Sunday, 8 p.m., CBS. "60 Seconds." A hard-hitting, investigative journalism show with really, really short segments.

Barry Smith is managing editor of the Nevada Appeal.