GARDNERVILLE - Allen and Toni Gumm have two beautiful children, both adored and cherished.
One is a girl and one is a boy; one is a dancer and the other a lover of Matchbox cars - you can probably guess which child is which for those two distinctions.
But can you tell which one is autistic? Most observers can't.
That is one of the challenges the Gumms face in raising a child with autism, and they're not alone. Autism is on the rise and is now the third most common developmental disability, more common than Down's syndrome.
During April, Autism Awareness Month, the Gumms want to help people understand more about their son Alex and his disorder.
As teachers, both bring unique perspectives to their parenting - Allen runs the technology lab at Carson Valley Middle School and Toni teaches second grade at C.C. Meneley Elementary School.
Toni said she has had autistic children in her classroom and now, as the parent of an autistic child, feels more compassion for the child and particularly the parents.
"As a teacher, we see it in the schools, and I understand it more now," she said. "I welcome these children - I always have - but now it's personal."
When Alex was born, the Gumms already had another young child - 16-month-old Bailey, and Toni said as soon as Alex was handed to her, she sensed her son was not the same as her daughter.
"I just thought something was different, I couldn't put my finger on it," she said. "After we got him home, I kept bringing him to the pediatrician and asking about little things."
"Alex was irritable all the time, and people told us it was colic, but it wasn't colic because nothing would calm him down," Allen said.
After several months of Alex's nonstop fussing, the Gumms found "the recipe," as they lovingly refer to it - approved by the family physician, Dr. Joseph Toth - that managed to calm their baby.
"We used dark corn syrup and pear nectar and it worked," Allen said. "He would finally stop fussing."
When Alex was 18 months, his parents took him to Dr. Toth, this time for a hearing test.
"I came right out and asked him, 'Do you think he's autistic?'" Toni said. "I mean, I saw 'Rainman' and took a psychology class in college, I wasn't ignorant about autism."
Toth didn't diagnose the disorder and referred them to a specialist in Reno where they finally got the diagnosis.
"It was almost a relief to get the diagnosis of autism," Toni said. "At least we had a name for it. We know now that the key is getting an early diagnosis and we feel lucky to have gotten one with Alex."
Autism is described as a neurological disability that can cause severe mental, social and emotional difficulties. It affects around one in 500 children, occurring four times more often in males.
Alex's strength is his sociability, Allen said. He has no problem coming close to a new visitor, leaning against them, making eye contact and looking every bit like an ordinary toddler with a big smile and wide eyes.
Alex is subject to "meltdowns" when overstimulated, which can include near catatonia to hysterical screams. Rather than keep him sequestered in their Gardnerville Ranchos home, the Gumms choose to get him out and into the real world with the whole family.
"One time we went to see the 'Nutcracker' and - you know how the kids like to sit down front? - well, I sat in front with Alex and the other kids, and the usher came and tried to get me to move," Allen said. "They were very persistent and I kept smiling and saying, 'No, I'm just fine here. I want to sit with Alex.' What I wanted to say was, 'You will want me here if he goes into a meltdown.'"
At the Reno conference last weekend, the Gumms obtained a small card that simply says, "My child has autism. Unusual behavior is one of the symptoms of it."
And with Alex's good looks, the card is something they plan to duplicate and carry with them.
Alex is involved in the Teddy program in the Douglas County School District, something the Gumms have high praise for. With all the tools they are continuously learning, the Gumms are optimistic about their son, Alex.
"If he continues to progress as he has, as an adult maybe no one will know he's autistic," Allen said.
"Our hope is that he has friends and relationships," Toni said. "Some parents want academic achievements and other successes, but we just want Alex be able to have relationships and be happy."
The Gumms are expecting their third child in August. Allen said the odds of this child being autistic are around 5-8 percent.
"Sure, we're concerned, but we have every reason to expect that this child will not have it," he said.
"At least we'll be informed with vaccinations and we'll keep up with the research," Toni said.
The Gumms have a Web site that has links to autism sites all over the world. Their address is gumbyweb.net/autism or one can call them at 265-7689.
"If there is a child out there or a family who is wondering about autism, we'd be glad to help them with what we know," Toni said. "Don't be afraid of autism - the earlier you know, the more you can do."
