Olympics synchronized swimming just won't float

With the Olympics coming up, and watching "reality shows," we thought it appropriate to mention synchronized swimming ... "Why?" you ask ... because "reality shows" are so dreadful and not "real," and because we saw that someone suggested making synchronized swimming an extreme sport ... "How?" you ask ... drop a shark in their tank, of course ... that would cover everything ... real (how fast can they swim?); Olympics (the world would watch); and extreme (sushi, anyone?) ... or do we have too much time on our hands?

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We know someone who has a Ralph Lauren Polo pony tattooed on his chest right where the logo would be on their T-shirts ... that way he saves money on the real thing by taking an old T-shirt and cutting out where the logo is and letting the Polo pony show through ... (warning: if you do this too, you need more help than we can give you.)

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Things aren't always as they seem ... the Waterfall fire gave us lots of good stories about people going out of their way to help each other ... but one motel in town charged an evacuee $40 for Wednesday night ... then upped the rate to $59 on Thursday ... and added insult to injury by making it $99 on Friday ... so much for good will and future referrals.

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Some guys can't win ... the Uniform Service Employment and Reemployment Act of 1994 requires public and private employers to provide veterans with the same title, pay, benefits and status they had before they left for service. According to the Las Vegas Review Journal, this veteran came home to UNLV (right after his wife divorced him) and was given back the same title, pay and benefits ... but his status as a supervisor was denied ... so he sits in an office with little or nothing to do ... losing his skills and battling "city hall." The case is under consideration ... and while we sympathize with the gentleman, it does present a dilemma ... what does an employer do while someone is off for a year or two? As in show business, "the show must go on" ... our opinion is that UNLV knew the law and should have hired a replacement with all parties knowing that the soldier would be back ... otherwise, what's the point of the law? Where's Solomon when you need him?

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Is it necessary to have bad teeth and bad hair to be a rock star and NASCAR driver? Or did we just hit a "bad hair and teeth day" when we were watching?

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Mysteries of life: Why do we swear on the Bible in court, but can't have the 10 Commandments in federal buildings? ... just asking. And we know God's a man because He said, "Let there be light," so we could see dust ... cosmic and otherwise ... you don't see Him Swiffering it up, do you? And when did He say, "Let there be noise?" Boom boxes ... phooey.

More church ladies: "Don't let worry kill you ... let the church help." "At the evening service, the sermon will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice." "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands" and lastly ... "Barbara remains in the hospital ... she is having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Father Jerry's sermons." (Note: we "personalized" that last one ... shame on us)

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"Ma" Tate's wondering who the Verizon man is talking to ... "do you hear me now?" ... and who's inside "Jack's" head in the Jack-in-the-Box commercials ... why, Jack, of course ... who else?

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If you ever need a pig roasted on a spit ... call Dan Brewster ... aka "pig man" ... we went to a luau in Reno at Tom and Deborah Greco's and stuffed ourselves on roasted pig ... it was simply deeeelicious ... next year ... roast lamb? Or will Steve Wassner be skewered for that suggestion? As long as they serve him with mint jelly.

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And, finally, Jesse Winchester, former candidate for lieutenant governor and author of "From Bordello to Ballot Box," sent us the following quote by former Supreme Court Justice Cliff Young: "The difference between a politician and a statesman, is that the politician only worries about the next election, while the statesman worries about the next generation."

Carolyn DeMar and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. Write to them at editor@nevadaappeal.com. Technical problems delayed publication of the column on Tuesday. Look for them in their regular spot next week.