Here's my question: When are they going to arrest Justin Timberlake or Janet Jackson or both?
Perhaps that's a bit harsh. But certainly this country has a history of throwing entertainers in the clink for obscenity and indecency.
There was comedian Lenny Bruce's arrest in November 1964 after a performance at Cafe Au Go Go in Greenwich Village after he used more than 100 "obscene" words.
Bruce was convicted after a six-month trial. New York's governor gave him a posthumous pardon not long ago.
And singer Jim Morrison was arrested several times, most famously in Miami in March 1969 for exposing himself on stage. The sentence: eight months in jail and a $500 fine for profanity and indecent exposure.
More recently, infamous rocker Marilyn Manson was arrested in Michigan in August 2001 for rubbing suggestively against a security guard during a concert.
"It was offensive, crude and rude," said the county prosecutor at the time. "This was not something that was orchestrated or choreographed as part of the act."
Jackson's and Timberlake's flash dance at the end of the Super Bowl halftime show is being described in the same kind of terms. It's also worth noting the exposition took place in Texas, which is rather notorious for having high standards of decency.
For example, a San Francisco woman was arrested in Texas just two months ago for obscenity because she sold a vibrator at one of those home parties where they hawk such things. Texas has a law against selling "sexual devices."
And an 18-year-old male was arrested in a grocery store in New Braunfels, Texas, because he was wearing a T-shirt which had an offensive word on the back (the same word for which Lenny Bruce was arrested 40 years earlier.)
One more example while we're at it: Do your recognize the name of Mark Francis Roberts?
Probably not.
He's the 39-year-old man who streaked onto the football field a few minutes after Sunday's Super Bowl halftime. He was tackled by a linebacker, hauled off by a dozen or so police officers and, yes, arrested.
While the NFL was worried about protecting its assets by forbidding Las Vegas casinos from holding big-screen Super Bowl parties, it couldn't stop a middle-aged guy from exposing his assets in the middle of the field.
I realize I'm sounding like a blue-nosed prude. Isn't it going too far to arrest people for obscenity or indecency?
I don't know. Maybe so. Maybe we should just wink and look the other way the next time some guy pulls up to the drive-in window at a fast-food place without his pants.
And why does television bother to black out the naughty bits in those "Girls Gone Wild" advertisements? Might as well just drop the pretense of morality, huh?
Here's how I look at it, though. There are three possible explanations for the Jackson-Timberlake flap:
n Jackson didn't know anything about it. That would mean Timberlake assaulted her, perhaps warranting even a charge of sexual assault. Try getting away with what he did in a bar or a shopping mall.
n Jackson and Timberlake planned the whole thing. That would seem to support some kind of indecency or obscenity charge. Here's Jackson's statement: "The decision to have a costume reveal at the end of my halftime show performance was made after final rehearsals."
That's cute. I wonder of Jim Morrison ever thought of calling his antics a "costume reveal."
n It was all a big mistake, a "wardrobe malfunction," as Timberlake described it.
If that's the case, then let's go to the videotape. I think 89 million witnesses might have a different interpretation, especially given the circumstantial evidence of MTV's pregame promise of "shocking moments" during the show and the conveniently timed lyric, "I'll get you naked before the end of this song."
The Federal Communications Commission is investigating whether CBS violated decency laws by airing the show. The potential fine is $27,500 and, presumably, could be applied to each CBS station - putting the total somewhere in the millions of dollars.
I think there should be a huge fine. Maybe $300 million would get their attention. I think people should turn off CBS. I think heads should roll at CBS and MTV, which produced the show.
Appeal sports columnist Dave Price made a good point when he wrote this week "Janet Jackson was probably the least offensive part of that entire halftime show." But Jackson and Timberlake have become the lightning rod, and we can either look the other way or hold them accountable.
Personally, I'd like to see Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake appear in court to explain under oath exactly what happened. They should swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help them God.
Oh, they don't say the part about God any more?
I forgot. That's taboo.
Barry Smith is editor of the Nevada Appeal. Contact him at editor@nevadaappeal.com or 881-1221.
