It's spring, which means the flowers are blooming and baseball is in full swing. It's a beautiful time of year. Naturally, I'm worried.
Because we live in Northern Nevada, I'm worried there's going to be another killer frost or killer heat wave - or both. So I go out every morning and look at the leaves withered by cold during the night, and the brown spots on the law caused by heat during the day.
We just can't win.
Today, though, I'm worried about baseball for two reasons:
n On June 11, fans attending Major League Baseball games or watching on TV would have noticed something different about the bases. They would have been decorated with a spider-web pattern.
No, the groundskeeping crews weren't going on strike. This was more serious. It was promotion.
That weekend would have marked an advertising blitz for "Spider-Man 2," the movie sequel about the comic-book hero.
Among the promotions would have been bases, pitching-mound rubbers and on-deck circles at Major League parks decorated with web logos. Apparently, this would have made us desperate to see the movie.
Baseball purists were grousing, and the plan was scrapped on Thursday. Count me among 'em.
As if you haven't noticed already, this "promotional tie-in" business has gotten out of hand. It's not that baseball doesn't need and want advertising. There isn't a park in the country that doesn't have something along its outfield walls, on the scoreboard, along the infield walls behind the batter.
At some point, however, there gets to be so much clutter that we tune it out. So the marketers go looking for a new and original way to pitch their new movie or soft drink, something that will surprise us because we've never seen it before.
Which brings me to the second reason I'm worried:
n Las Vegas has a pretty good chance of landing a Major League team.
It could be the Expos, Marlins or Twins. There's the whole sports-book betting thing to get over, but people are talking like never before that Las Vegas might actually become a Big League city.
Now you see why I'm worried.
If the marketing department at Sony can come up with the bright idea of putting spider webs on bases for its new movie, I'm pretty much bug-eyed over the thought of what the marketing geniuses on the Strip will devise.
Oh, some are easy.
Elvis throwing out the first pitch.
Showgirls in the bullpen.
A trapeze act suspended over centerfield while the game is in progress.
But that's the old Vegas. The new Vegas will have Penn and Teller doing an updated version of the hidden-ball trick in the first-base coach's box. With lots of blood, sarcasm and profanity.
Celine Dion will be booked to sing the National Anthem every night for the next 22 years.
In the reserved suites, there will be, ahem, gentlemen's clubs with, ahem, hostesses willing to provide a bit of personalized service for an appropriate price. I suggest the customers wear a mitt in case any foul balls come their way.
Wouldn't it be more exciting if, when a home run is hit to a certain part of the park, fans have to contend not only with each other to retrieve a souvenir, but with a live Bengal tiger as well?
As I mentioned, there will be the whole sports-betting problem to resolve. But what's to keep the home team from offering video poker in selected sections? Since some people are worried visitors go to Las Vegas mainly to gamble and wouldn't be enticed to a ballgame, the video-poker machines would give them both.
Given its penchant for imitating other cities, Las Vegas could have a ballpark with interchangeable backdrops. One night, it might look like Yankee Stadium, the next night, Wrigley Field, and the next, it transforms into Fenway Park.
Or maybe they get away from the traditional entirely, and the baseball stadium takes on a "Star Wars" theme. X-wing fighters would circle the outfield and blast flyballs with lasers.
OK, so maybe baseball hasn't come very far since Bill Veeck was considered a marketing genius for creating exploding scoreboards, fan giveaways and, in 1951, having 3-foot-7 Eddie Gaedel come into a game as a pinch hitter.
That's not a bad thing. Fans like me look to baseball for tradition, stability and predictability.
Innovation is a risky thing. If you think Janet Jackson's Super Bowl halftime stunt was bad, try to think back to 1990 when Roseanne Barr mangled the "Star-Spangled Banner" before a Reds-Padres game then spit and grabbed her crotch.
Oh, sorry to have put that image in your head. It was memorable, all right.
And I guess comforting in a way, because I can trust Las Vegas to never do anything quite that disturbing - not in public, anyway.
Barry Smith is editor of the Nevada Appeal. Contact him at 881-1221 or editor@nevadaappeal.com.
