If you want to remember, then just write it down

"Chicago Bob" Pence heard Pat and Dave Josten were having trouble remembering things so he suggested that they see a psychiatrist. They went and told the psychiatrist about their problem and were told, "Write everything down ... that will help you."

That evening, Dave was just about to go into the kitchen when Pat asked him if he would get her some ice cream. "Of course," said Dave. "Write it down," said Pat. "Oh, don't be silly ... I can remember it," he said.

But before he could take another step, Pat asked if he would put some strawberries on the ice cream. "Of course," says Dave. "Write it down," says Pat. "Don't be silly ... I can remember that," he says.

Just as he was about to disappear into the kitchen, she asks for whipped cream on the strawberries, and reminds him to, "Write it down." "Don't be silly, woman ... I'm right here in the kitchen, and I won't forget." Twenty minutes later, Dave reappears from the kitchen and puts a plate of bacon and eggs down before Pat. She looks up at him indignantly and says, "Where's the toast?"

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Did anyone but us notice that in the nice article in the Appeal sports section this week about the racing Heller family that they put in Dean and Harris' age, but not Jack's? Heck, the computer probably doesn't count up that high ... (draw deliciously evil grin in here________)

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Lots of stuff and things going on in CC soon: the annual charity golf tournament put on by the Carson Sertoma Club will be held at the Dayton Valley Golf Course on May 22 ... all proceeds go to the local speech- and hearing-impaired children ... call 883-9219, 882-2603 or 885-7579 for information; auditions for a premiere production of Nick Josten's original play, "The Town Without Syntax," will be held at the Brewery Arts Center on May 25 at 7 p.m ... actors 14 through adult are needed (887-0438). And on May 28 and 29, the Carson City Community Center and Nevada Civic Light Opera (say that three times in a row) will be presenting "The Songs of Sinatra" to benefit Meals on Wheels and the Community Counseling Center (887-2290, ext. 101).

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And two more: Tonight there is an open house at the Boys & Girls Club to welcome its new executive director, Hal Hansen, from 5 to 6:30 p.m ... you're all welcome ... call 882-8820 for details. And lastly (but not leastly ... ?), the Jefferson-Jackson dinner will be held on May 17 at the Silver Oak Golf Club (which, by the way, will be open for dinner in about two weeks) ... Kat Simmons, comedienne extraordinaire (she'll pay us big time for that one); Guy Rocha, super historian (ditto); and Maria de Braga, political poet (she's lucky ... she doesn't know us) will be featured. For reservations, call 841-3367.

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Continuing Ken Fraser's "Definitions nuns never taught us": Pew: a medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches; kyrie elision: the only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides ouzo and baklava; Jonah: the original "Jaws" story; procession: the ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the priest and late parishioners looking for seats; and finally, ushers: the only people in a church who don't know the seating capacity of a pew ...

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Late-breaking news: Ed "The Waver" Carlson is back in Nevada, still waving ... so be sure and wave back. If you're hankering for a piece of Nick's Pizza ... George and Maria are at Pizza King in Mound House ... we had some the other night ... still yummy ...

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We see that Congress is passing the national ID card legislation ... what's next? Implanted computer chips? Who says Big Brother isn't watching ...

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Happy Birthday to Suzie Lequerica, Carolyn's lovely daughter ... be grateful, Suzie, that you have a normal name ... after all you have relatives known as Uncle Egg, Uncle Coon, Grampa Sawbuck, and Aunt Tio ... what were they thinking?

And while we're on this kick ... do any of you have weird names or family sayings that are printable in a family newspaper? If so, we'd like to hear them. A friend's grandmother, Icey Belle, used to call her family to breakfast with, "Come on down and slap an egg on your face ... " So we know there must be others ...

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It's too bad the government may derail Amtrak ... one of the most delightful trips you can take is a ride over the summit on the train to Old Town Sacramento, stay overnight, and ride back again the next day ... a real treat. Do it pretty soon, or it may be too late ...

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Another from Ken ... a study about how women feel about their asses ... 85 percent feel they're too fat ... 10 percent feel they're too skinny ... and the other 5 percent say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway ... (we're glad Ruth is in the latter 5 percent ... tee hee)

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People who've told us "Don't put our names in the paper" ... sure thing ... who are you talking to? Bob Crowell, the ever charming ... and Julie Bopp, super Capital Ford saleslady ... both lovely, "shy" individuals ... so much for speaking up ...

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We were called irreverent by someone the other day so, in that vein, we relate the following story from Russ Law (may the squeamish quit reading here) ... "The day after losing his wife in a kayaking accident, a man opened his door to find two grim-faced Alaskan state troopers standing there.

"We're sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some really bad news, some good news and some really great news ... " Mr. Wilkens looked at them, and asked to hear the bad news first ... "We found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay." "Oh, my God!" he cried, "What's the good news?" The trooper continued, "When we pulled her out she had four 5-pound king crabs and eight good-size Dungeness crabs on her."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?" The trooper replied, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow." (Don't write or call ... we know we're baaaaaad.)

n Carolyn DeMar and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. Write to them at editor@nevadaappeal.com.