Domestic violence is a pattern of violence committed by one partner against another - a controlling behavior that consists of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. This pattern is a learned behavior. Perpetrators are mostly men but women can also be an abuser.
What causes domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse is caused by the need of the abuser to have power and control over their partner. They use a pattern of behaviors to intimidate, manipulate and physically violate their partners. Domestic abuse is oftentimes learned through observation of violent behavior in their family life.
Why does she stay?
A more appropriate question would be: "Why is he abusive?" "Why does she stay?" puts the responsibility on the victim and is often followed with the statement, "She must like it." Victims stay in abusive relationships for many reasons; economics, pressure from family or their faith, guilt or self doubt, concerns for their children and their feeling of lack of community support.
A battered woman may believe:
n "He is just having a bad day" and his abuse is temporary.
n With her love, "she will change him."
n His promise that it will "never happen again."
n "It's my responsibility to keep the family together."
Many women do not want the relationship to end; they want the abuse to end. They believe their abuser's threats and fear is a major factor in why they stay.
We at the Family Support Council are here to help. Our women's support group offers women of all ages and situations, the support to empower them to choose healthy relationships. We provide a safe, confidential, nurturing environment for group discussions and learning. Women learn to identify and express their feelings, break down their feelings of isolation, loneliness, depression, and understand that they are not to blame for their partner's behavior. They will learn to take responsibility for their own healing.
If you feel your life is out of control, no matter what your situation is, we welcome all women to our group. We meet every Wednesday from 6-7:30 p.m., and we also provide free child care at 1255 Waterloo Lane, Gardnerville, 782-8692.
Also feel free to contact us if you would like to become involved in the Family Support Council through volunteering for the main office, crisis line, or our thrift store, Hidden Treasures Antique Thrift Shop.
n Cindy Fanning is the domestic violence advocate at the Family Support Council of Douglas County.
