Dads answer questions, candidly

Notice: This may appeal to women more than men.

In Minden, there is a group designed to offer support and comradery for young mothers.

On Wednesday, the Mothers of Preschoolers of Carson Valley Christian Church got together to listen to four men answer questions pertinent to 40 or so women who filled the church. What they had to say seemed to have proved both eye-opening and refreshing for the moms, some of them, their wives.

This was just one of many activities that MOPS has lined up for its meetings, the first and third Wednesday of the month at the Carson Valley Christian Church, 1095 Stephanie Way in Minden. The next meeting is on Oct. 18.

Dads, Jason Spohr, 37, Jeff Sabo, 27, Jeff Neville, 32 and Kevin Trevithick, the senior at 52, appeared to be candid and honest as they answered the questions. Trevithick's wife, Jennifer, does not belong to MOPS, but he is pastor at the church and decided to represent an older father's feelings.

To the question of why husbands lose things and want their wives to find them, Spohr, who has a 1- and 21Ú2-year-old, looked directly at his wife, Jennifer, MOPS coordinator, and said, "We probably take the easy way out because we know you know where the stuff is. I think the reason is we know you know. We're lazy inherently. I think that's the deal."

When asked what was his favorite gift from his wife, Trevithick, who is the father of a 23-year-old daughter, admitted it was a pair of hip weighters for fishing.

"I'm an 'experience' guy. I'm not a 'stuff' guy," said Trevithick. "I think you need to look at how your husband is wired."

The women laughed and got serious at the fathers' remarks. They listened intently even as they rose to walk their fussy babies.

Sabo, who has a 3- and 5-year-old with his wife and MOPS co-coordinator, Tamy, was asked what the best way of talking is without nagging.

"Don't nag," said Sabo. "We have different clocks. If my wife says I need to take out the garbage, she means right now. We think it should go out sometime before the trash is picked up."

"We are thick and dense," said Neville, another pastor at the church, who has two children, ages 15 months and 3, plus one on the way, to the question of whether wives should let them know if they're depressed. He added that men don't like to be forced to come up with an immediate solution.

"Give us the freedom," he said. "Just say, 'I don't need to fix this. I just want to talk about it.'"

When asked how he keeps his integrity in check, Spohr said, "I try to picture myself walking around with my little girls in tow, all the time."

Trevithick bristled when asked how he felt about his wife buying (expensive) things without telling him, especially since he handles the household budget.

"It's discouraging when that happens," he said. "You've got to get on the same page and it would be a lot more peaceful."

To the question, "Why is work so important. Why won't you call in sick if you are?" Sabo answered, "We need to survive and take care of our families. We need to show we're not weak. Guys at work would make fun of you if you stayed at home because you have a little sniffle."

To the question of why sometimes when the wife asks for something specific to make her feel special and they don't get it for her, Trevithick adamently said, "It is not because I don't love my wife! It is sometimes because I'm just a knucklehead."

He owned up to the fact that sometimes it is a control issue and other times it is the way they are "wired."

"I think sometimes husbands don't want to jump through hoops. This is probably the hardest question I got," he said.

But the same men who admitted to being lazy, controlling and wired differently, also showed they love their wives and children more than anything.

"You don't want to neglect the ones you're providing for," said Neville, who, as a child of divorced parents, said he is determined to be there for family events.

On his tombstone, Spohr said he would like it to say he did his best for his family.

"How well I took care of my kids, how well I took care of my wife," he said.

MOPS International has been in existence since 1973, with the Johnson Lane area group forming four years ago. At the first MOPS meeting, in Wheaton, Colo., for two hours while their children received care, these mothers talked, laughed, ate, passed a basket for child-care expenses, watched a craft demonstration, and ended with a short devotional.

The times have changed, but the group and their meetings have virtually remained the same. MOPS of CVC has a registration fee of $40, child care is still included during the meetings, and they still talk, laugh, eat and watch testimonials and demonstrations. In addition, they hold a raffle, give door prizes and recognize the new babies. Members try to support new mothers by bringing them meals during the first week the baby's home.

It is not necessary to be affiliated with the church or a religious group in order to join. The only prerequisite is that you be a mother of a child or children ages kindergarten and younger.

The Johnson Lane group has grown since its inception in 2004.

"Our first year we had 20 moms, the next year there were 45. It doubled the first two years," said Gardnerville resident Sequoia Rohr, 29, who started the group at Carson Valley Christian Church. Rohr was the coordinator the first two years, now she is the mid-week child care coordinator at the church.

This year MOPS has a new coordinator, Jennifer Spohr, and 47 women are enrolled. On Sept. 20, they presented a car seat safety day, in conjunction with the Douglas County Sheriff's Office. At future meetings they will feature speakers such as a financial expert, a mom and chef who teaches how to cook healthy meals and an interior decorator. At the Oct. 18 meeting, a demonstrator will show how to crochet scarves. A mentor mom who has already been through child raising speaks at each meeting and group members can get up and talk about situations in their lives at any time.

"It's been a great place for my wife to connect with other women," said Neville. "A lot of times you can't meet people in your life in the same stage."

"Going from being a full-time wife and working woman to being a full-time mom was really hard," said Tamy Sabo. "I get to celebrate being a mom and being an individual woman. My husband says, 'Go ... Go and be happy.'"

To find out more about MOPS, visit www.mops.org or call Jennifer Spohr at 267-4395.

n Jo Rafferty can be reached at jrafferty@recordcourier.com or 782-5121, ext. 210.