So it's the year 2020 and administrators of the new Gardnerville High School put off hiring a football coach until the very last minute.
In a crunch for time, they took the three most qualified resumes, hung them up on a dart board and let wherever first throw stuck determine who would coach the new team. Unfortunately, they let the guy with the weakest arm take the throw, the dart fluttered and then fell flat on a stack of newspapers, where it stuck on my name.
Stranger things, right?
Seriously though, if I ever had the chance to run my own high school football program (and let's face it, even in the craziest of scenarios, no one would ever want to see that happen, most notably myself), here are the first five things I would do:
1. Pick a team name that means something to the area. Of 105 member schools in the NIAA, 20 teamnames are used more than once, eight are used more than three times and three team names are used four or more times. Only 13 of the 105 schools use teamnames that are not used at the professional or major college level and only four or five use names entirely unique to the area.
Now as to what name I'd actually want, the above kind of narrows down my choices. But we have enough history and unique characteristics in the area to collectively come up with something original. What about the Ponderosas, the Crickets, or the BrushHawgs?
While I'm at it, Blue or Red can not be my school's colors. Of 15 Northern 4A schools, eight use one or both of those. And while we're at it, no teal either, because frankly, teal just kind of creeps me out.
Oh, and I'd need a simple logo for the helmets that I really like. None of this switching every other season (I'm looking at you Spanish Springs, four different helmets in eight seasons).
You look at teams like McQueen, who simply never change their look, ever, and that's where the foundation of tradition is laid.
2. Install some variant of the option offense. As a young school, I won't have the biggest or best athletes. The option helps account for size disadvantages and is also harder to defend at the high school level because few high school programs have enough overall discipline on defense to stick to their assignments and make the tackle. There will, of course, be those programs that gobble it up, but in order to be somewhat competitive at the outset, you simply can not expect to run the ball straight down your opponent's throat. Also, for the first couple of years, running as much of the clock as possible won't be a bad idea.
3. Pick up the 53 defense. Douglas is the only program I've seen run this effectively, because as coach Mike Rippee has said, you have to have the kids buy into it for it to work. But when it's run properly, it is next to impossible to run on, which plays out well considering how many teams in the Northern 4A depend on their running games.
Either that, or I'd go really crazy and install a 3-5-3 similar to what West Virginia has used in recent years.
Once again, I'd be anticipating a distinct size disadvantage, so rather than try to plug five spots on a defensive line, I'd focus on creating a deep corps of linebackers because every high school kid ever is about 5-10, 165.
The advantages would be the ability to bring multiple blitz and stunt packages out of the same formation while only needing to find three down linemen and I've read it is one of the most effective defenses at dealing with the ever-more-popular spread offense.
The disadvantage is that it does require a higher level of team speed to run effectively, and that's not something you can guarantee that you will have year in and year out. Either way, it'd be fun to watch - for myself at least.
4. Keep the overall playbook thin. Sure, we wouldn't be very unpredictable, but it would give me a couple years to establish a solid foundation of staple plays throughout the program. With the option, execution, timing and misdirection are all key. The fewer plays to perfect, the better. It's not going to fool anyone, but it does demand a committment to the fundamentals on the players' part.
5. Resign and hand the reins to someone who is actually capable of coaching a football team. It's fun to think about, but the reality is that the amount of time and work a coaching staff puts into running a successful program is incalculable. It's easy to think up an ideal situation, but the great coaches are the ones who can take the imperfect situations and mold them into successes. And the really great coaches are the ones who can do the same in multiple facets of life with their athletes, not just on the playing field. Douglas High's gridiron success over the past decade hasn't just happened on its own. The staff there runs a first-class show and that often gets overlooked.
A Hug football player was ejected from Friday night's game against North Valleys after an altercation out of bounds with an opposing player.
He will, as is NIAA rule, sit out the Hawks next game.
Stick with me here, because I don't want anyone to read this the wrong way. A game suspension in football is absolutely a fair punishment (The particulars of this situation are hazy and I wouldn't be surprised to see the ruling appealed, but that is beside the point I am getting to here).
What got me thinking on this is that the suspension is the same in all sports when a player is ejected. What if a flat one-game suspension is not punishment enough in some sports?
Here's where I'm coming from: A one-game suspension in football constitutes about 10 percent of the season, not including any playoff contests.
Strict? Certainly, but it's still a fair punishment considering that a game played with such violent physical contact has to have a set protocol to keep players and coaches in check.
However, an ejection in any other team sport warrants the same one-game suspension. The difference, as I see it, is that one game doesn't even come close to carrying the same weight in soccer, baseball or softball as it does in football.
Whereas one game makes up about 10 percent of the football season, it makes up only about 3 percent of the basketball/softball/baseball season or about 4 percent of the soccer season. In volleyball, a match is only about 2 percent of the season.
My contention is that perhaps a player ejected in the other team sports should have to miss two or even three games so that the overall punishment equals what it does in football.
You see in basketball and baseball all the time, especially late in the season, where a player or player(s) will sit out an entire game just to rest up for a bigger game or even for the playoffs.
The same is nearly unheard of in high school football. There are so few games to work with that each one carries much more value to the players involved.
A game is simply worth much more in all areas of the game when it comes to football. The punishment should carry equal weight between all sports. The way it is now, football is carrying a much stiffer penalty than the rest.
- It's been said many times now that the swooping Tiger head logo Douglas sports on its football helmets is derived from Towson University logo. What I hadn't noticed before, however, is the Tiger on the seat cushions of the basketball/volleyball benches was used by Auburn from 1982 to 1997.
Just for the heck of it, I went back through to see what other schools Douglas has "borrowed" logos from in recent years and found versions of Tigers from Missouri, Pacific, Idaho State and Clemson as well.
- The Douglas boys' tennis team has put 18 different doubles combinations on the court in eight dual matches this year.
- The Carson-Douglas girls' soccer game was everything you could hope for as a spectator and probably everything you dread as a coach. The two teams combined for seven goals in the first 51 minutes (That's a goal about every seven minutes) and Douglas alone peppered the Carson net with an amazing 26 shots. The Senators answered with at least 12 shots of their own.
Here's your obscure statistic of the week. The Douglas football team is 20-5 in the month of September over the past six seasons. With Friday's win over Fallon the Tigers improved to 11-2 in the month during the last three years.
None of it means anything, of course, but the last time Douglas went unbeaten in September, as they did this year, was in 2003 when then went on to play in the regional title game.
Not too bad considering the book on the Tigers heading into the year was that this was going to be their toughest non-league schedule in quite some time. Coming out with wins against Reno and Reed and giving Las Vegas a run for its money (that one was Aug. 29, just so no one thinks I'm neglecting that one) is really a testament to the strength of this year's team.
With the Fallon win, Douglas ran its road win streak to 14. It was the Tigers' 11th-straight win in their white jerseys. Just for the heck of it, I looked back through my records and found that Douglas has only lost three games in its away whites since they unveiled the knockoffs of the former Oregon State uniforms on Sept. 9, 2005.
Who were those three losses to? (Hint: I gave you one of them last week, a 21-0 setback against Reed to open the 2006 season).
- Douglas boys' soccer in sixth. If the season ended today, the Tigers would be two spots out of the playoffs. That's a tough drop for the defending regional champions. The team is still very solid, but their standing is a testament to the depth of the league. Wooster, Carson and South Tahoe are no surprise, and you could even lump Galena in with that bunch. Manogue though, who sat atop the league standings as of Thursday, is a huge surprise. South Tahoe scratching its way back into contention doesn't help matters. The last time Douglas had this deep of a hole to climb out of at the midseason point, the Tigers ended up playing in the regional title game (2004). Take from it what you will.
- Hug boys' soccer. They kind of snuck up on me, and apparently everyone in the High Desert League, but the Hawks, now free of the Sierra League hierarchy, have put together a 3-1-1 record in league play and appear to be a legitimate league title contender.
- Damonte Ranch volleyball sweeps Carson. I expected this one to be a lot closer than it was. No question Damonte Ranch is very good, but Carson had such a strong start to the season (10-1) that I expected more than the 2-2 record the Senators have opened up league play with. This is a very deep league though, as I've said many times before, and things could easily flip-flop during the second go-around.
- Douglas football 14, Fallon 6. I wasn't at the game (we have a sister paper in Fallon and simply can't justify double-covering an event) but from what I hear it was a pretty wacky game. Fallon probably was playing way over its head, because lets face it, Douglas is going to have a rather large target on its back the rest of the season based on what it did against Las Vegas, Reno and Reed.
The defense for Douglas was nothing short of stellar. After giving up an 82-yard pass play on the first play from scrimmage, Douglas allowed just 172 yards total through the rest of the game. Tanner Thomas came up with the game-clinching interception as time ran out and Zach McFadden had a 95-yard kick return to open the second half called back on a penalty.
I've heard many times that Fallon is an exceptionally hard place to play. Nonetheless, when I saw the score I honestly did not believe it. Hopefully, it serves as a big wake-up call for the Tigers.
- Not-so-much. Reno football tops unbeaten Spanish Springs. I'm actually writing this specific item on Friday afternoon before the game starts because I am so convinced this will be my not-so-much of the week (if I'm wrong, I can erase it before the column goes online).
Reno is simply a whole lot better than people are giving them credit for.
They run the ball extremely well, and their defense is exceptional. Spanish Springs has looked good in four wins to open the season, but Reno is the first real opponent they have faced.
If I had a vote for overall player of the year in the Northern 4A Regional football honors ballots (and I don't), this is what it would look like, based mostly on their respective performances over the last week:
1. Kyle Van Noy, McQueen; 2. Anthony Stolo, McQueen; 3. Tim Rudnick, Douglas; 4. Patrick Riggs, Manogue; 5. Courtney Gardner, Hug
"Hey guys, hey you gotta see this. Kenny's about to stop a bowling ball with his head." Mike Burton, from the now defunct "Ed".
The top athletes, regardless of sport, at Douglas High determined by production during competition, overall value to their team, ability to perform with consistency in routine situations, performance compared to others at the same position throughout the state/region, ability to come up big in clutch situations, versatility, attitude, sportsmanship, overall athletic ability, heart, potential at the next level, and a host of other intangibles (emotional leadership, role-playing value, work ethic, etc.) This is all, of course, just my opinion.
Fall Sports
1. Amelia Ritger, tennis
2. Megan Mitchell, volleyball
3. Bethany Wurster, golf
4. Ross Gardner, soccer
5. Tim Rudnick, football
6. Ally Freitas, soccer
7. Tanner Thomas, football
8. Tia Lyons, soccer
9. Taylor Biaggi, cross country
10. Johnny Pollack, football
If there were more spots on the list: Alex Laing, soccer; Jourdan Burke, volleyball; James McLaughlin, football; Shelby Louie, golf; Jessica Waggoner, volleyball; Jordan Cruz, football; James TenBroeck, tennis; Parker Robertson, football; Cesarina Ceglia, girls' tennis; Zach McFadden, football.
What is it with USC and its developing knack of laying eggs against mediocre Pac-10 opponents? In the last six seasons its been California, Oregon State, UCLA, Stanford and Oregon State again.
I say they'll lose at least one more in conference play before the season is out. And you all know how good my predictions are ...
The Replacements (2000)
It's basically "Necessary Roughness" nine years later, right down to the team-unifying bar room brawl. Keanu Reeves becomes the quarterback of the Washington Sentinels after the team's entire professional roster goes on strike.
While very loosely based on the real 1987 NFL strike, this movie takes it 40 miles farther as Reeves actually suceeds.
Not much else to say. There is a sumo wrestler-turned offensive lineman who has an unfortunate and altogether disgusting fallout with hard-boiled eggs, the guy from the old 7UP commericals is the the blazing-fast receiver who can't catch (which was also used in Necessary Roughness) and Roy from "The Office" plays a tight end who is deaf (I know, I couldn't figure out where I'd seen him before either).
Greatest gaffe: Toward the end of the movie, when the real quarterback returns, the team cuts Keanu Reeves, leaving them theoretically with only one quarterback. Because professional football quarterbacks, especially high maintenance ones prone to holdouts and strikes, never ever need a back up. Right?
Reason to watch: During several of the soul-searching scenes in the movie, Keanu Reeves puts on his "serious acting face."
Don't be the guy in birth classes who takes the roll call sheet, prepares to sign-in, looks lovingly at his wife and says, "Honey, how do you spell your name?"
I hit a new all-time low with just six correct picks in the Pigskin Payoff Contest last week. There's a little quote someone put on the game's leaderboard that says something to the effect of "To be the best, you have to beat the best."
My name is listed under that quote. Does anyone else laugh when they see that?
You can still sign up for the weekely contest at www.recordcourier.profootball.upickem.net.
Congratulations to the week 4 winner, Mel Essary who was right on 10 out of 13 games this week.
Here are my picks for week 5:
Titans over Ravens
Panthers over Chiefs
Bears over Lions
Falcons over Packers
Colts over Texans
Chargers over Dolphins
Redskins over Eagles
Giants over Seahawks
Broncos over Buccaneers
Patriots over 49ers
Cowboys over Bengals
Cardinals over Bills
Saints over Vikings
Tiebreaker: Steelers 21, Jaguars 14
Season survivor sure thing: Cowboys.
Season record: 30-30. Record last week: 6-7. Season survivor: Still alive.
- The series will come to a remarkable climax in season 5 when it is revealed the island has been moved to the middle of Central Park in New York.
Both of the remaining losses were to McQueen. Douglas fell 38-6 to the Lancers on Sept. 9, 2005 in their first game wearing the new jerseys and lost to the Lancers 46-14 in the first round of the playoffs that season on Nov. 4.
