In memory of Richard: Cherish your children

It's been one month since 16-year-old Richard Alexander Miller took his own life.

The couch where his mother found his body on Feb. 2 is gone; the blood-stained carpet has been cleaned.

Connie and William Mordelle have channeled their grief into getting the word out to parents that if this tragedy occurred in their family, it could happen to anyone.

"We thought we were doing things right," William Mordelle said. "That's what makes it so hard."

The Mordelles are the kind of family that ate dinner together, spent time with each other. Richard didn't get in trouble, as far as his parents know.

"He was caring and carefree," Mordelle said. "That's what is so weird. He didn't stress over anything. It seemed like everything just rolled off his shoulders. He wasn't greedy or a got-to-have-everything kind of kid. He very rarely asked for anything. He treated everyone with the utmost respect."

With memories of their son's life and death foremost in their minds, the Mordelles are willing to bring up the most painful details in an effort to spare other families their horrible ordeal.

"There's a stigma that goes with suicide, but that's not a solution to any situation," Connie Mordelle said. "I'd rather talk about it and have people ask me questions."

By all accounts, Richard was happy and successful, in his junior year at Douglas High School and a member of the swim team.

The family moved to Gardnerville in July 2008 after William Mordelle, 35, a U.S. Marine Corps gunnery sergeant, was assigned to the Mountain Warfare Training Center in Pickel Meadow where he works as a radio chief.

Connie Mordelle, 38, said her son was reluctant to leave his friends in Twentynine Palms, Calif., but seemed to be settling in.

"He was visibly upset and depressed about leaving Twentynine Palms, but he started meeting kids on the swim team," she said.

"He was probably more outgoing than I had ever seen him. He had a girlfriend. In fact, the night before he died, he went to a Super Bowl party at her house," she said.

The Mordelles say Richard didn't exhibit any of the red flags associated with suicide. Had his depression about leaving California lingered, Connie said she would have intervened.

"You talk about sex with your kids, alcohol " teenage stuff " we never talked about suicide," she said.

"I always said, 'If you're ever in trouble, make me be your first phone call. I'm the best friend you've got out there,'" she said.

After Richard's death, Connie learned he had intercepted his report card. He was failing English and had other below average grades that would keep him off the swim team.

"Clearly he had problems at school we didn't know about," she said.

But she said the Mordelles weren't sticklers for perfect grades.

"That didn't mean we didn't encourage him to do his best," she said, "but bad grades aren't the end of the world."

For the past month, Mordelle has been at home with her husband who was nearly killed in an auto accident the Friday before Richard died.

William Mordelle " "Moe" to his wife and stepsons " was on his way home from the Marine base Jan. 30 when his vehicle skidded on black ice at Sonora Pass and rolled several times down an embankment.

With a broken leg and no cell phone reception, Mordelle crawled for more than two hours back to the road before he was picked up by a motorist.

"That was our little miracle," Connie Mordelle said. "We knew there was some reason he made it. He was meant to be here with me."

She spent most of the weekend in the hospital with her husband as he was underwent surgery for his broken leg.

"Richard was upset because he and Moe are so close. The accident really upset him," she said.

Connie called from the hospital and left a message for Richard at 4:40 a.m. Monday, Feb. 2, to make sure he was up for school. He called her back at 5:50 a.m. and said he was ready for the bus.

"We can tell in his voice if anything weird was going on. And everything seemed fine," William said.

But Richard didn't go to school.

His girlfriend called at 7:30 a.m. and he said he was staying home.

The Mordelles arrived home from the hospital at 6:40 p.m.

The lights were out in the house, but the television was on.

Connie came in first to make sure she'd be able to help William who was on crutches. They were accompanied by Mordelle's Marine captain who was along to assist the injured sergeant.

"I walked in through the garage and looked at him on the couch. It was dark, but the television was on. I said, 'What's on your face?' He didn't answer. I walked over to him and saw the gun on the floor. I kind of ran out of the house and told Moe not to go in," she said.

"I thought somebody had done this to him," she said. "You want someone to blame, but there's no one or no thing to blame."

Douglas County sheriff's investigators confirmed the fatal injury was self-inflicted.

"They wouldn't let me go back in the house," she said. "I wanted to hold him, to hug him."

The Mordelles called Richard's brother Chris Dinkins, 20, a student at University of Notre Dame, who came home from Indiana the next day.

"We called Chris' roommate and a priest first, so someone would be with him when we broke the news," William said. "We could hear him over the phone, screaming and running down the hall."

More than 200 people attended Richard's memorial service at St. Gall Catholic Church in Gardnerville.

Newcomers to the community, the Mordelles were overwhelmed by the response. Richard's friends on the swim team stop by and still leave comments on his MySpace Web page.

"We reminisce and talk about him all the time," Connie Mordelle said. "I talk to him. I've been going through some of his stuff. I probably will have a harder time with his clothes. I haven't washed anything."

Connie said she and her husband take one day at a time. William Mordelle expects to be on convalescent leave until April.

"Some days are better than others," she said. "I need to make sure I have a schedule. Some days I have to have that just to get up. I need to obligate myself."

If the Mordelles could offer parents any advice, it would be to value every moment with their families.

"Spend time with your children. You don't know what's going to happen " it could be suicide, it could be a car accident. I was never one for insisting on getting the dishes done or picking up the house. Think about the important things in life. You can't get those moments back," she said.

They support Wednesday's symposium at the high school and believe parents will leave with valuable information that may save a life.

"Every child may not have thought about suicide, but I bet they all know somebody who did. It does pertain to everybody," Connie said.

"There's not an absence of guilt, but we have a certain amount of peace through our faith. I know Richard is in a better place, but I wish I could have said or done something.

"Could we have done more as parents? Of course, but I don't necessarily know if we could have stopped it," she said.

Connie has messages on her cell phone and answering machine in her son's voice and the memories of telling him many times a day that she loved him.

"That's my peace. Richard knows I loved him and he loved us," she said.

RESOURCES

n Survivors of Suicide Support Group, first and third Thursdays 6-7 p.m. at the Partnership of Community Resources, 1528 Highway 395, Suite 100. Family, friends or coworkers of those lost to suicide are invited. Information, 782-8611.

n Suicide Prevention Network of Douglas County, Debbie Posnien, executive director. Information: 782-8611.

n Resource telephone numbers: Crisis call line, (800) 992-5757; Douglas Mental Health, 782-3671; Douglas County Sheriff's Office, 911; Partnership of Community Resources, 782-8611.

ON THE WEB

Survivors of Suicide

www.survivorsofsuicide.com

Nevada Office of Suicide Prevention

www.suicideprevention.nv.gov

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

www.afsp.org

Partnership of Community Resources

www.partnership-resource.org