Free water just one benefit park enjoyed

Think about 600,000 gallons of free potable water in two months time. Sound like a lot to you? I'm sure it does to the residents of Sheridan. Well, it could be yours if you can come up with a proposal for the Carson Valley Visitors Authority and parks and recreation. All you have to do is promise the county revenues of $700,000 to $1 million for your event. Don't worry, you don't have to come through with that amount, just swing a deal like the folks at Nevada Motocross did.

But wait that's not all. You will also be allotted approximately 15 acres of land which you can bulldoze and sculpt to your liking. Also included is the option to operate a temporary campground and charge fees for parking and admission.

Just what will the county charge for this? Well, if you promise to hold 19 events (give or take a few); you have to come up with the whopping sum of $1,250. That's right. It averages out to approximately $66 per day. That's less than the cost of an average hotel room or rental on the Lampe Park Pavilion ($115 for two hours).

What will your return be on your investment? In excess of $35,000. Of course, you will have to deduct your operating costs. But on the bright side, you won't have to pay for any pesky noise or environmental studies. The county will waive these or the visitors authority will do it for you. They will also conduct surveys at your events to see if you're generating any revenue to the county. All free of charge. If you don't generate significant revenue, hey, just blame the lousy economy. Since the CVVA cannot come up with timely figures, who cares?

Now, you may ask, what are the benefits to your community? You can experience the "light in the eyes" and "family bonding" that is not achieved through any other recreation activity save the one you have chosen for your proposal. Bringing your children to community meetings to attest to the fact that your "activity" has strengthened your family bond and saved them from a life of despair will help garner additional support. You can even post videos of "pros" in your chosen activity endorsing the CVVA by calling us a "small podunk town" and it won't make a difference, just remove them and any negative comments as soon as you're found out.

Should you receive complaints regarding noise levels, the CVVA will provide board members (also free of charge) to patrol the adjacent neighborhoods doing their own sound studies. This consists of parking in various locations and listening. Since one of these "sound evaluators" has self-admitted hearing problems (he had difficulty hearing conversations directed at him from 20 feet away at the senior center), this should provide no problems.

As for any type of environmental study, heck, who needs one? Go ahead and strip the parcel you get of nearly all vegetation (save for a few trees). If dust poses a problem, well the desert is dusty anyway and you can combat it with the free water you will receive.

Please don't let the fact that your proposal may have been turned down in two other counties dissuade you. Third time lucky. This was the case for the motocross folks. They were previously turned down in Churchill County and Carson City, but were able to swing this great deal anyway. No offense to Churchill or Carson, but I guess they didn't have the foresight to come up with 600,000 gallons of free water, 15 acres of land to give away, or access to our "professional" evaluation techniques. Of course, their residents were saved from having their homes devalued by having to declare a noise nuisance when selling, but the market is in a slump anyway, so what's a few thousand dollars (give or take) going to matter to any of these folks?

In conclusion, future entrepreneurs, think up a proposal, promise the CVVA $700,000 to $1 million (remember you don't have to come through) and you too could be the recipient of a sweetheart deal just like Nevada Motocross.

Pee-Wee Golf, anyone? It provides a recreational activity for people of all ages, and there's nothing like seeing a family bond or a child saved from a life of boredom while joined together over a cement windmill. We can even stage tournaments to draw people from all over. I can see the light in the children's (and promoters) eyes already.

Susan Cryderman is a East Valley resident.