Pat Hawks knew he needed help.
It went beyond the realization that for the first time in his nearly 35-year marriage the Gardnerville Ranchos man had struck out at his wife.
It went beyond that fact that he pleaded guilty to domestic battery.
It went beyond the 48 hours Hawks had to serve in Douglas County Jail.
On April 29, 2009, Hawks was arrested after an altercation with his wife.
"I'm honest, if nothing else," Hawks said. "I screwed up. It was the first - and I hope the only - time I'm have been in this position. I pleaded guilty. I just wanted to get it over with."
He received a 28-day suspended sentence and was ordered to attend 26-week anger management counseling.
What the 60-year-old Hawks discovered after the mandated counseling, was that he wanted to stay with the group. Because he successfully graduated from the program which he paid for, Hawks could continue with the group at no cost.
Hawks believes had there been a free support group for men available at the time, the incident may never have happened.
With that goal in mind, Hawks is inviting any man age 18 or over to join him from 6:30-7:30 p.m. on the second and fourth Fridays of the month at Carson Valley United Methodist Church.
Hawks said Pastor Pete Nelson invited him to use the church hall as a free meeting space. Occasionally, counselors may volunteer their time to lend their expertise.
"Let's talk about it now, before it's too late," Hawks said. "Don't think it can't happen to you."
Hawks said the format would be loosely structured.
"We'll have open discussions on different topics and viewpoints that may help all of us cope with the times," he said. "This may be the best thing you ever do, not just for yourself, but for the ones you love."
The first meeting is set for Friday.
"We know it's Carson Valley Days weekend," Hawks said. "Spend an hour with us before you go out. Please, it must might be worth it."
He insisted that the support group be free. Participants in the court-ordered counseling are assessed for each session on a sliding scale.
By not charging, he hopes more men will attend.
"Things like that (counseling) aren't a priority when you are trying to survive," he said.
And he's not worried about comments he's heard "that a man wouldn't want to come if he didn't have to."
"'Macho' is a thing of the past," Hawks said. "Going to these meetings doesn't hurt. I get something out of these meetings every time I go."
Hawks said he doesn't know where he'd be today if hadn't embraced the help.
"I don't know that I'd still be angry, but I don't know if I would be alive," he said.
Hawks said he and his former wife went to counseling for seven months, but their marriage did not survive the violence. When the incident occurred, Hawks said he just had returned to work after three years on disability.
"I had gotten depressed," he said. "I probably wasn't the type of husband I should have been."
He's willing to talk to men who may find themselves in similar situations. He acknowledged he is not a counselor, but just a man who has been there.
"I'm not doing this for any other reason than to help somebody," he said.
Douglas County Sheriff's Office domestic violence intervention coordinator Connie Richardson is a supporter of the effort.
"Three-quarters of my job is follow-up on on verbal domestics," Richardson said. "If there was a group, I could refer people to it. We like to have tools to prevent the battery from happening in the first place."
Richardson said she usually works as an advocate for women in domestic battery cases.
"I want to see these guys get help, too," she said. "Most people can't afford to pay for counseling. There are women's groups but few programs for men."
MEN'S FREE OPEN FORUM DISCUSSION GROUP
Meets 6:30-7:30 p.m., second, fourth Fridays of the month, Carson Valley United Methodist church, side entrance, 1375 Centerville Lane, Gardnerville.
Information: Pat Hawks, (775)-265-4500.
