EDITOR:
Hello. My name is Gary Griffith. I have decided to run for public office and I would like your support. Being a student of human behavior, and a pragmatist, I have surveyed the current crop of public servants and come to the conclusion that I must be qualified to serve.
While I have no executive experience and only a moderate knowledge of current affairs, I am a really nice person and I think I speak rather well. I have no particular platform, but rest assured that I promise to talk in very general, non-specific, terms so that each and every one of you will think that I have the same priorities as you. Yes, I promise to promise everything to everyone; unions, special interests, minorities and lobbyists alike, with no concern for budgetary considerations. In short, I will speak out on the issues that matter to you, with no concern for veracity.
In addition to acting with complete disregard for fiscal responsibility I promise to, at all times, be a slave to political correctness, being sure not to hurt anyone's sensitivities.
Specifically I will say I will do the following:
• I will promise to adhere to the Constitution as I interpret it. For example, I will provide more protection to those trying to kill us than I will to Navy Seals trying to protect us.
• I will devote much time to studying and speaking about the evils of "earmarks" and "riders" while continuing to fund them.
• I will talk ad nauseam about securing our borders while being careful not to upset any voting block.
• I will be sensitive to your concerns about out of control spending, promising to support only those efforts that I want to support.
• I will spend much of my time talking in gross generalities about job creation, and platitudes about getting the economy "back on its feet."
• I will placate you all with rhetoric about my fierce opposition to centralizing power in Washington while insuring that unions and special interests have my full support.
I have not decided which position in government to run for as I am waiting to see which current incumbent disgraces him/herself the worst. I am certain, however, that the goals that I say I have match yours because they mirror those of the politicians that you have elected in the past. I hope that you will give me your support and your vote.
My name is Gary Griffith and I approve this message.
Gary Griffith
Gardnerville
