Is This You? The belly of the closet

We’re just coming off the high of the Christmas and New Year season. Now we deal with where to put the new gifts we have received. Like where to put the new clothes, in that closet, that stuffed closet.

For an array of reasons, recently I’ve seen the inside of several closets that were not mine. There were huge, nearly room-sized ones, a couple of walk-ins with double decker hanging spaces and shelves, too. One that was just an ordinary sliding door closet. Even one with two doors, on opposite walls. Now that was an amazing closet. They all had one thing in common: They were full. And organized. I hated that as my closet always looks like a bomb just went off in it. But that’s just me.

A guy I know stopped me and asked if I knew why his wife spent so much time in her closet. “What,” he probed, “is she doing in there?” Oh, it was quite a conversation. He reported she sometimes goes in there for what could easily turn into hours. He was planning to make these cut outs that would look like a monster’s open mouth with wicked gnarling teeth and put them up around the door to her closet because when she goes in there it’s like she has been swallowed up, never to be seen again. I suggested he didn’t do that.

What do we ladies do in our closets? Well, I’m here to tell you. First there’s the time spent just looking, drooling over and taking a gander at what we can’t wear anymore. I love the blue shirt with little flowers embroidered on it, but of course it’s a bit too tight to button up without causing a gap when I breathe. But one day ...

Next we peruse the likely candidates that would fit, but not be comfortable. The white shirt and blue blazer looks good, but I don’t like to layer anymore, too bulky. Why did I buy it in the first place? It looked good in the wonderful florescent lighting of the dressing room so I figured it would look good most anywhere I would wear it. I was wrong.

Moving along to the next step of the no way, no how section. I admit it. I have really, really old things in there that need to be axed. Like an Oakland Raiders T-shirt that’s holey and used. But I got it from a trainer whoh worked for the Raiders — in 1977. Yeah, I have to, as they say, let it go. Hum, maybe ebay? Quit dreaming and keep moving ...

Now if I were still working in an office? The next reason for being in the closet is the “putting together an outfit” time. Consequently this is about the same time the husband has begun to hunt for the wife. There he would be, outside the closet asking why we’re in there so long. Should he send in the hounds? Put a glass of Merlot outside the door? Make arrangements for our mail to be delivered to us in the closet?

No, just let us have our closet time. Time to convince ourselves the bell bottom era will make a comeback. Not just regular bell bottoms, but really, really big belled bottoms. And just because I’m a touch over 20, 30, 40 or more, I could still wear the bright red sweatshirt with the kitty on the front all tied up with lights falling off of a Christmas tree. Well, maybe just around the house, in the dark, and maybe wear it inside out!

So gentlemen, we have specific reasons and purposeful purposes for spending quality time in the belly of our closets. And when we emerge from our little hidey holes know this, we could be, 1.) ecstatic we found just the right thing, 2.) delighted the one thing we’ve been waiting to fit, finally fits, 3.) enjoying memories of the last time we wore that frilly piece of lingerie, or 4, 5, 6 ... not willing to talk about what we found, have, need or a million other things that go on in our closets. In the case of 4, 5, 6, or more I suggest offering us anything chocolate.

Trina lives in Eureka, Nevada. Her book ITY BITS is on Kindle. Share with her at itybytrina@yahoo.com.