The Popcorn Stand: Japan makes a Cagey move

OK, this is awesome. As those of you know who choose to read this Popcorn Stand for no particular reason we have an obsession with Nicholas Cage. So of course when we found out Cage’s face is featured in Japan on the packages of a popular snack in that country, we had to write about it.

Cage’s face is on the packages of a popular puffed corn snack Umaibou, which means “delicious stick.” So we Americans have corn dogs on a stick while the Japanese just have corn on a stick. The popular snacks taste like corn potage, which is basically a corn soup.

The Cage version of the snack is “Deluxe Umaibou Nicolasstick.” I love that name. The snacks are being used to promote the release of “Army of One,” a movie featuring Cage. The “Nicolasticks” are available to those who buy tickets for the Army of One movie.

I never herd of the movie “Army of One,” so I looked up the summary of the movie, which is as follows: “Gary Faulkner (Nicolas Cage), an ex-con, unemployed handyman, and modern day Don Quixote receives a vision from God telling him to capture Osama bin Laden. Armed with only a single sword purchased from a home-shopping network...” That’s as far as I got before I fell out of my chair laughing.

Actually curiosity got the best of me, so I had to watch the trailer. The movie is clearly a parody and I actually admit I laughed at the part when Faulkner (Cage) asks “Is this Pakistan?” to which he receives the reply “No señor.” Rotten Tomatoes gave the move two stars out of five, so evidently the movie may not be a complete waste of time.

But still earlier I wrote about how you can actually simulate watching a Nicholas Cage movie while being in a cage and trying to figure out if that was a punishment or not. But even though I’ve never seen or will ever see “Army of One,” I believe it’s safe to say if you’re forced into the simulation of watching this movie while in a cage, that’s a punishment.

Unless you’re allowed to eat a “Nicolastick” while watching the movie.

— Charles Whisnand