It’s in the (trash) bag (maybe)

It isn’t hard for me to fill a trash bag. It isn’t hard for me to fill several bags. The hard part comes when I try to lift those bags to get them to the trash in one piece! OK, I admit it — I’m a woman — see me stuff the bag, box, bin or can so full if it toppled the earth would shift. Yep, that’s me. Took me years to become an expert at getting every corner of a space “fulfilled” to its capacity. It’s a gift.

I have over time discovered there’s a substantial difference in trash bags. You’ve probably gone through several bags, too. I’ve lived through pre-plastic trash bags. When the paper bags that came home full of groceries were then turned into the trash bag in the kitchen. Really have such wonderful memories of picking up a doubled paper bag and having it be wet and smelly and gooey. It really was a great thing when paper was replaced by a brand new plastic container that sat proudly in the kitchen. Those were supposed to be so much better to take trash out to the trash can. Haul it out, pick it up, turn it upside down and empty the smaller one into the bigger one. Well, it might have been a little better. But it didn’t fix the mess of tossing out left over tuna casserole or coffee ground-covered egg shells. Then came the plastic trash bag. Ta-da!

In the 1950s, the trash bag became a household addition. Imagine the happiness of boys and girls asked to take out the trash — being able to do that without needing a mop and bucket afterward. But, not so fast. There’s a “but” squishing in! But not all trash bags are made equal. Yes, I can see you shaking your head in agreement! We have all run the gamut of trash bags. No one is immune to having a bag slide up and out of the kitchen container and just as it clears the top of the bin the bag breaks! Such a lovely site, sound, smell…

After buying the brand on sale, if you’re like me, you then started to buy what the advertisers told you were the best, strongest, most flexible, durable, indestructible, will-not-rip-tear-break-split-or-let-go-your-trash-even-under-nuclear-attack bag. Yes, that’s the bag I want! Finding that bag, that all-so-perfect trash bag, however, is a journey I suspect most of us have undertaken.

First, you encounter getting the perfect size for your trash container. I gave up trying to fit the bag to the bin after getting the ones where the bag goes to the bottom of the bin when you throw the first thing in — or would that be out?! So you dig out the bag and try to tie it up with a band or a knot or whatever. Just to discover that untying that knot when the bag is full is a nightmare in itself.

The next step is to get the next bigger size. Bigger is always better, right? Bigger house, bigger car, bigger piece of cake — chocolate with ice cream and sprinkles and a frosty glass of milk. — Oh, sorry, got sidetracked. Well, bigger isn’t always the right move. When your trash bag gets too big for its britches, well, its bin, then you tend to just keep filling the bag until it gets to weighing more than you can comfortably lift to get it out of the kitchen without a hand truck or maybe even a forklift! Chances are even if you get a 33-gallon bag full and get it out of the kitchen bin, you’re never going to get that monster all the way to the outside trash can in one piece! So the next step taken is to get a thicker, stronger more durable bag. Right?

Now you become, a bag-ologist! Bags aren’t only sold by the size in inches or gallons they hold, noooooooo, that would be too easy. They’re also sold by how thick they’re and that measurement is usually listed by the “mil.” Hey, being a housewife/husband is not for sissies! Next comes learning just what a mil is, how thick a mil is as bags come in .056 mils or 1.3 mils or even up to 3 mils. Well, just looking at it, I know t3 is more than .056, so I, of course, go for the 3-mil bags! Hey, my momma didn’t raise no fool!

Yes, sir-eee, my 3-mil kitchen trash bag will hold anything I can push, pull, roll or drag to my dumpster, never leaving a slimy trail, no matter who takes out my trash! Now that’s a trash bag!

Trina lives in Eureka, Nev. Find her on Facebook or share with her at itybytrina@yahoo.com. Really!